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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28319592">You Know I Love You, Right?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deancas_lover/pseuds/deancas_lover'>deancas_lover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Tragedy, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Post-Episode: s14e18 Absence, deancas husbands, don't read this if you don't wanna cry, no happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:43:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28319592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deancas_lover/pseuds/deancas_lover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Dean had instantly regretted telling Cas "You're dead to me" but never had the chance to apologize to him?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Know I Love You, Right?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: It has come to my attention that the way Dean is written in this fanfic very similarly reflects his canon dialogues in 15x09, and I just wanted to make it clear that it was not my intention to copy canon-compliant material. I wrote this fic before I had seen that episode (because the episodes air later in my country) and I wanted to reiterate (and reassure everyone) that this is in no way, shape or form a plagiarism of that episode, screenplay, dialogues or any other content related to 15x09, and any similarities noted are purely coincidental. <br/>I realize there is no way of offering any proof that I didn't plagiarize the episode, but I do hope you choose to believe me.</p><p>I do hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean was pacing the hallway of the bunker, throwing glances at the door every so often, checking for any signs of movement. He couldn’t shake the feeling of dread crawling all over him, like hundreds of bees had covered every inch of his skin, and judging by the constant buzzing in his brain, had invaded there too. He sighed, running his hand through his hair while leaning against the table, his mind flaring up with the worst possible situations that Cas could have encountered.</p><p>	His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a key turning, the sound of the lock clicking resounding through the quiet stillness of the bunker. He pushed himself off the table as he saw the door opening to reveal a sopping wet Castiel drenched from head to toe, dripping water all over the bunker’s hardwood floor. Immeasurable relief coursed through Dean, his first instinct being to run and embrace his husband after weeks of being apart despite knowing he couldn’t do that just yet.</p><p>	Dean watched as a look of surprise flickered across Cas’s beautiful face, his eyebrows furrowing and his head tilting slightly to the left. Probably wondering why I’m up at this ungodly hour waiting for him, thought Dean. Or, supplied his brain, he’s probably bracing himself for another one of your temper tantrums in which he always winds up getting hurt. Shut up, growled Dean internally, before casting his eyes back to Cas, who was hovering uncertainly by the doorway, unsure if he should step back out into the roaring thunderstorm behind him.</p><p>	“Hey Cas,” said Dean, in what he hoped was a neutral, soothing tone. He felt like he was trying to talk a jumper off the roof, but after their last conversation, he could understand Cass’s apprehension towards him.</p><p>	“Hello Dean,” replied Cas, who had apparently decided not to run headfirst back into the pouring rain. He took another step inside, closing the door behind him. “Didn’t expect to see you here,” he added, glancing warily at Dean. </p><p>	Looks like the uncertainty hasn’t entirely vanished, thought Dean. He forced out a chuckle. “What are you talking about Cas? I live here,” he said, fidgeting nervously with his hands.</p><p>	Cas had an unreadable expression on his face as he sighed, “You know what I mean, Dean.” He shook his head, walking away from Dean as he continued, “I can’t do this right now, Dean. I’m exhausted and wet, I just want to dry myself and–– ” </p><p>	“I’m sorry,” interrupted Dean. Cas turned back to face him as he continued. “I’m sorry. I know, there is no excuse,” Dean hurriedly said as he saw Cas open his mouth to speak. He continued before Cas tried to interrupt again. “There is no excuse for what I said to you, for the way I reacted. Like it was your fault alone, which it isn’t. I know it isn’t, and I’m sorry Cas, please,” Dean pleaded desperately, voice cracking. “I just… I got angry and I started yelling before I knew what I was saying, when really I was just angry at myself for letting mom down, for not being there to protect her, and I took it out on you.”</p><p>	“Dean,” Cas started, exhaling softly before resuming. “It’s not just that you yelled. You had just learnt that Mary had died, I expected the anger. It’s that…… after everything we’ve been through, you blamed ME. You didn’t trust me, when all I was trying to do was help Jack, to protect him. And I know, me not telling you led to this,” Cas gestured to the space between them, “… situation we’re in now. But, Dean, you just abandoned all trust you had in me, you put all the blame on me, when you KNEW that, had I for one second thought that Jack was a danger to anyone, I would have told you. And yet you did… you said…,” Cas trailed off, looking to the side.</p><p>“And when I left, you never stopped me,” he whispered.</p><p>	Dean felt hot tears gather at the corner of his eyes and slowly trickle down his face. He felt his own heart splintering just seeing Cas like this, in a situation that Dean had never thought HE would be responsible for. He took three long strides until he was standing right in front of his husband. This close, he could smell the dewy and familiar lavender scent of Castiel’s rain-soaked hair and the slightly damp smell of his wet clothes. He cupped Cas’s face, pulling it up so he was staring directly into his bright blue, tear-filled eyes.</p><p>	“I couldn’t stop thinking about the last words I spoke to you. Ever since you left, that’s all I could think about. Like, what if something had happened to you and those were the last words you’d heard me say?” Dean closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, before continuing. “There is nothing I have regretted more, there is no words I can say, except… I love you Cas. I have loved you ever since the day I met you, and I should have stopped you leaving, I should have trusted you, I wish I could just erase that day. But I don’t ever want to know what it’s like to live without you. Please Cas, I’m so sorry, please,” Dean sobbed, bending his head as his tears flowed freely and dripped onto the floor.</p><p>	Cas put a hand under Dean’s chin, gently lifting his face back up. He leaned forward until their foreheads were touching, using his other hand to brush a fresh tear rolling down Dean’s cheek. “I forgive you Dean. And I love you too. That was never in question. Just… let’s never do this again, okay?” Cas said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.</p><p>	Before Dean could reply, he heard Sam’s voice behind him. “Dean? What are you doing?” He turned around to see Sam standing a few feet away, sporting a bewildered expression.</p><p>	“Sam!” he boomed. “Look, it’s Cas, he’s back home,” he exclaimed, turning back to Cas, only to see Cas dissipate like smoke right in front of his eyes. He looked around confusedly before turning back to Sam, who was now regarding Dean worriedly. “He was right here, I don’t know where he went. Cas! Cas!” he started yelling.</p><p>	“Dean stop!” yelled Sam, grabbing his shoulder and yanking it around to face him. “Dean… Cas is dead. Remember? It’s been a month now… he died trying to bring mom back.”</p><p>	And then Dean remembered. He remembered the last words he ever said to Cas. Then you’re dead to me. He remembered the last time he ever saw the love of his life as he stormed out of the hut, hurt written all over his face. He remembered as he waited there all day for Cas to come back, only he never did, instead Sam had come, bearing news that Cas was gone forever. He would never come back now.</p><p>	Dean felt his legs give away under him, collapsing to his knees as the pain of reality hit him like a blow to the chest. The last thing he saw was Sam shaking him out of the corner of his eye before descending back into the madness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first DeanCas fic which I wrote for my Creative Writings class and my professor did NOT like it (he said he doesn't like Cas because he's "too emotional" and I'm still mad about that) so I decided to post it here instead. I hope you liked it and I'm sorry if I made you cry, I too had a breakdown while writing it. Thank you for reading!!</p><p>Ps. I actually wrote this WAYYYYY before 15x18 aired, I'm just posting it now because my semester just recently ended and I was grappling back and forth with the idea of posting it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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